beat.of.my.heart

first time
Friday, January 9, 2009
9:02 PM

For the past 11 years, I have never fail in my piano exam.
Neither practical nor theory exam. But not for this time,
my teacher told my mom today that i fail my Grade 7
theory exam =(.I feel like such a failure now. BOO to me.
Yea, now i have open the door for anyone who hates me
to have the chance to look down on me.When my mom
told me, I pretended nothing happen. Indeed, i'm very
disappointed with myself. I always have life inspiration
and aim high on myself. That's why I'm a pro pressure
supplier to myself. Well, the main reason I failed this time
is because I take my sister pass year questions book as
a reference and not doing it myself.
Apart from that, I'm in doubts and having dilemma when
choosing the subject that I'm taking for A Levels.
Mathematics is the subject giving me a big question mark.
I give up in that subject.YES, GIVE UP ! I never hear
myself saying that word to any circumstances that I
encounter. I feel so lost in 2009. Being separeted from
friends, school, direction and teachers, I'm lost. I'm a
nobody but just an ordinary girl. Feeling so unintelligent
as compared to those taking Further Mathematics and Law
in A Level. I just could not imagin where I stand when
compare to them. I'm not enough, not nerd enough,
not brainy enough, not smart enough. Tell you, they
have incredible aim after A Levels such as applying to
the top universities in the world ( Oxford, Cambridge,
Harvarc, Yale, Princeton etc. ) or going overseas for
degree. As for me, i'll do all of it locally cause no $$.
Right now, I need to find the momentum that will
burn my spirit up like before. I can't sit down and
let it be. " Fall down seven times, stand up eight "
I wonder whether I still have the migh to change.
God, tell me what shall I do now ?